you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
