smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
