all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
