That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
