When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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