she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
