it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
