Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
