Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
