Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
