lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
