i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
