He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
