the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
