with your own penis?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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