i think my mom watched the whole time
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
