i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
