Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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