cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You ate ashes out of my bong
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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