I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
