69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Enjoy the penises
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
