I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
