You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
