If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hippo gnu deer
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
