There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
