Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
