We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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