This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
