The maid of honor just puked.
Someone shit on the floor
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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