I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
