Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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