Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just want nice things and good sex
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
