Your mouth is God's brothel.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
