you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
