who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
