Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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