Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
