Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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