Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
