Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
