I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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