fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
