where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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