Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
another moral hangover. fuck.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
