Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Is that strawberry winking at me??
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
