I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
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Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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