That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
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I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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