I hate your face
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I want is dick and wine.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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