I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
