So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He better not be in your backpack
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
