Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
