All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
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.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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