Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
As shirtless as possible
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
