fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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