Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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