All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
