How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
