so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
