Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
