I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
