Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
